“Technology is ruining my children!”
“They won’t get off the screens!”
“Computers make kids fat!”
We’ve all heard parents’ war cries against technology and probably have been among those frustrated trying to parent effectively in the age of technology, but if done right, you can turn technology from an enemy into an ally.
There are three major principles that I’ve learned to follow to convert technology into a parenting accessory in managing my family and parenting my children successfully in the age of technology:
- Monitoring
- Regulating
- Engaging
Monitoring
I define monitoring in this context as observing, inspecting, and curbing the content delivered. My favorite tool for monitoring my children’s internet usage is Net Nanny and for email, KidsEmail.org is great. In my process of discovery, I tried at least half a dozen free or free-to-try software platforms to use with my three children who are [of course] all different ages with varying levels of maturity and technology know-how AND who tend to each gravitate toward different computers. What I discovered is that it’s very difficult to find a single program that provides the level of customization and control required on each device for each child’s individual needs that also doesn’t slow down one’s system.
These are the key features that you’ll need to consider as you select your own monitoring ally:
- Customization
- Profiles for each child or household member
- Social media monitoring if applicable
- Filtering and blocking
- Masking profanity or other content you deem inappropriate
- Filtering images and content according to your specifications
- Preventing access to questionable or inappropriate websites
- Preventing access to malicious websites that could harm computers or compromise identities
- Compatibility
- Usability across devices and operating systems
- Whitelisting
- Always allowing access to certain websites
- Blacklisting
- Never allowing access to certain websites
- Ease-of-use
- Reporting
- Support
Some key problems I encountered with certain software are system impact and poor execution. It’s frustrating when your system lags or you get obnoxious messages and I certainly couldn’t function in that environment and don’t expect my kids to either; I want to protect and guide my children, not annoy them to death!
My true goals include a desire for my children to learn to utilize the resources available to them through technology and someday appreciate their value. Since I don’t have the time to check reports and search histories daily, I needed something that I could check at will without the risk of histories being deleted in the meantime, that provided me with a level of assurance that my children would be safe, and that our computers were secure.
Regulating
Regulating in this instance is limiting, scheduling, and controlling. While Net Nanny provides great options for both limiting the total time spent and when that time can be used online, it can’t do anything about the total time spent on a computer when they are offline. For that you need to turn to the on-board parental controls for your varied devices.
The features and functionality vary widely, so I ended up wasting a lot of trying to conform various devices (different versions of PCs, a Mac, laptops, tablets, and a mobile phone) to my will. I’m glad that now I can work with the technicians at Madison Geeks to take full advantage of what’s available on each platform to achieve my desired end.
One consistency among most devices is the ability to assign a single administrator account from which you can establish the varied aspects of the non-administrator profiles. Definitely take advantage of this. You should even have the ability to prevent your kids from installing software or gaining any access to the computer outside of hours you specify.
Some systems have really fun options to help your children use technology not just as a toy, but as a tool. For example, I love that on my son’s Kindle Fire I can set it so that he can’t do anything else until he has read on it for a specified amount of time. Using an eReader for reading? Brilliant!
Even your home’s router may have controls to prevent usage at specified time or to limit certain types of content from being delivered to any any device used in your home. You may even be able to control your home’s internet access remotely!
Engaging
Nothing is going to be a better tool for parenting your children regarding technology than engaging, i.e. playing and interacting with your kids while finding teachable moments to impart life lessons. Okay, that might be sappy, but it’s nonetheless true and important; any good parenting advice includes imparting the value of quality time and it’s no different with technology.
It shouldn’t be a battle unless you’re playing battle game together and yes, you definitely should play computer games with your children if they are into that. You may be terrible at it or just completely not get it, but laugh at yourself as your child laughs at you. What’s better than laughing with your kids? Quality time side-by-side while plugged in is almost as important as quality time face-to-face while unplugged. If your children know that you support them and their interests so long as they learn that technology is not just a toy, you will all have a better experience now and in the future.
In the end, your kids will gratefully praise your great wisdom with appreciation and ebullience… or not. Realistically, that kind of commendation won’t come until they are much older and perhaps not until they have children of their own. Truthfully, once you implement the changes above, you’re likely to get a reaction more like this one…
…but oh, well, it’s less painful than head-butting, right?
Conclusion
Remember this:
What you need for your children will vary depending on their ages and your own family’s values. Just because something works for me or your neighbor, doesn’t mean it’s the best option for you.
You get what you pay for.
It is wise to follow the recommended age limits rather than bypassing them for your kids (for example, most social media requires people to be at least thirteen years old).
If you go with free options, you’ll be sacrificing some combination of features, compatibility, usability, and system performance, but if you have the time and know-how to deal with these limitations, a free service may be a good option for your family.
There are many other tools available such as keyloggers, activity trackers and more, but all need to be used with caution because some come bundled with software that can compromise your security and/or system integrity. Be sure to do your research or consult with a professional before implementation to ensure that you’re getting what you think you’re getting.
The best and easiest option would be to sit down with a professional such as a Madison Geek to discuss your goals and then work with you to have your computers, laptops, notebooks, tablets, smartphones, etc. set up to give you the control and ease you need for parenting technology usage.